Safe Yourselves, Ladies.

Assalamualaikum warohmatullahi wabarokatu....

I'm currently reading a novel based on a true story called Waverly Place by Susan Brownmiller. It mainly goes through the life of Hedda Nussbaum when she was continuously, brutally, and fiercely battered and beaten by her partner Joel Steinberg. The story ended when police found out the body of Lisa Steinberg whom Joel killed himself in November 1987.  Both were cocaine addicts and they both had delusional thoughts in their minds. 

I am outraged by the details elaborated in the book, though they may not be the real things that happened to Hedda. However, from googling what Hedda looked like after the so many years she had lived together with Joel Steinberg, I initially got it.

I have no clue on whether I should think of Hedda as a victim or also as a perpetrator? Since she was an adult for sure, she had numerous chances to get Lisa out of that bloodcurdling apartment where the three of them had lived. She didn't. She thought of her man as having god-powers and he was training her to be good with all the beatings. 

A battered woman MUST take some responsibility in her decision making process as well as her past issues for this to occur. Be aware, the first time your partner lands his/her hand on you, that's when you have got to leave. No turning back. When a man does that the first time, he'll do it again for sure. Women need to look at their past, look at their present situation and how they arrived at such a demeaning, depressive, and stifling situation. There is minimal hope for these relationships working out long term. However, there is a great deal of hope for the woman starting a new healthy and productive life.

Treatment for battered women are as follows:

Get out of the home at all costs. 

Be prepared to live with a peer, or family member. Take what is emotionally meaningful or sentimental. The rest can be replaced. It may take years, but eventually you can replace it. They are ONLY materialistic items.

Obtain a restraint order. The responsibility is now yours to implement it. So many times the perpetrator begs, cries, asks for forgiveness, uses the children as a go between any ploy they can conjure up to get you back. DO NOT SUCCUMB! Call the police; use your restraint order power.

Inform your place of employment. These men will usually approach you at work. Make calls at work, and even try to sabotage your employment.

Seek out a good therapist. You may have to go through one or two till you find the right one. Please stay in therapy. This is a long process. Remember you have been abused for a long time; therapy will not just take a few sessions.

Take care of your children, see if they need a therapist, and monitor their grades from school. Depending on their age, they will have a hard time asking why they cannot see Daddy.

Empowerment. You must slowly get strong, trust your decisions, and realize your talents. You have been emotionally beaten down and possibly physically beaten. You have God given talents, begin to recognize them and push forward.

“The past is the past, that is why they call it the past.” —C .Hurn. Yes one must look at the past, and then learn from it, but to ruminate and dwell on it is counterproductive.  There is a new path ahead of you that YOU and only YOU created. There will be a time when you can walk it safely and be happy. I promise you.

All forms of healing are at your fingertips. It has been shown that putting in place a variety of treatment modalities, has the best outcome. Medication is very helpful if not life saving in the short term, spirituality, therapy, and group work is very powerful, here you are face to face with other women who have been through this hell, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

Chances are because of the abuse you have lost some of your friends, or not been in contact with them. Give them a call, you have freedom now, move forward with your independence.

Say hello to your parents again. Re-introduce yourself to your parents. They have been outside observers and chances are you have not shared with them the truth. Enjoy your family, they will want to be with you, spend time with you and love you.

Hedda Nussbaum and Joel Steinberg. Look closely at her broken nose, jaw, and eyes.